Lavender Smoke OneShot
by FreedomM
Summary: Jasper Hale's journey from leaving Maria to finding Alice, and the two of them locating to Cullen's. Travel with Jasper as he find his way...


**Hey, my first fanfic...ever is now published on line, I'm a tad scared, but any input, review, or constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. **

**This is what I think happened to Jasper, just before he left Maria, up to just after meeting the Cullens. Jasper is my fave TWI character, he's such a tortured soul, and I can relate...**

**Hope you enjoy**

**FxXXx**

**(All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer :D)**

Lavender Smoke

I watched the flames rise into the night sky; the day had taken a toll and as the lilac and mauve melded into one another all I wanted to do was run. Run away from this way of life. Run like Peter and Charlotte had done…There had to be some other way…

A shift in the mood pattern caused my train of thought to stutter. I looked through the flickering flames at Maria. The flames were dancing in her scarlet eyes. Her emotions that had been victorious moments earlier seemed to now be a mixture of determination and resolve. It had been this way each time we'd finished yet another cull.

Her red eyes glanced up at me, her smile didn't reach them. I had the unsettling feeling that if I didn't get out soon, I wouldn't have a choice.

The territory was again ours; no other enemy could stave us off. I left Maria at the fireside and went to check up on the newborns many were lounging under trees. I pushed out a wave of calm as I could feel unrest moving through the group. I sat a little away from them, at the edge of the forest, contemplating my fate.

Something moved in the trees beside me, I could sense a presence, I could feel the persons hope and their anxiousness but I didn't turn, I would let them come to me, I would be ready for them.

"Jasper" a voice said softly I moved my head an inch. In a clump of trees stood Peter, I gauged the newborns, they weren't in any trouble, and Maria was paying no attention. Her back was to me as she sat by the fire a map in her hand. Contemplating her next take over no doubt, I stood and strode further into the forest.

"Peter" I said shaking hands with the vampire. "What brings you here? Where's Charlotte?"

"We came back for you" he said simply. Something shifted inside me then. All my depression, the searching I'd been doing, it fell into place. I tasted the air around me; nothing had changed in atmosphere in the past few moments, though I felt changed. The answer I had been looking for it seemed had been found...escape.

"Thank you" I said to Peter he smiled, his teeth flashing.

"Maria will be difficult, I imagine?" Peter said, a frown creasing his forehead as he gazed through the trees the way I had come. I nodded swiftly.

"Give me a few days, no more, if I do not join you leave without me" I knew my words were more like an order than a request, my training was always present, but I was more laying boundaries, I didn't want Peters initial escape to be in vain.

As the sun rose, birthing the new day, I wasn't planning the next attack as Maria and the newborns were I was planning my escape. Each strategy I came up with I rejected, this was not going to be easy. I'd survived only by being good at what I did and by being loyal, there was no love lost between Maria and me anymore, but I knew she was attached. I was indifferent, though she was my creator the pedestal I'd initially put her on was no longer relevant, I'd lost my edge, the desire to fight.

"You are terribly quiet Jasper" Maria murmured over her map, her long nail tracing a river.

"Thinking of the night ahead" I lied smoothly. I gazed out of the window of the cabin we'd acquired; gazing at the pile of ash lying where a fire had blazed the night before.

"Hmm…" her emotions covered. Though I could sense she was wary and fearful today.

As night approached I decided it was best just to tell her I was leaving. I knew it would result in me maybe killing my creator, but I no longer felt the passion for her as I once had, just the desire to escape.

We rallied the newborns and charged forward that night, we lost only three of our twenty-five to their fifteen, and I again watched the flames dance in Maria's eyes.

"You're not yourself Jasper" Maria's voice was disapproving. "Your mind is not on its job tonight"  
"No M'am" I agreed watching the lavender smoke curl towards the sky.

"Can I help?" she purred I felt her nails tracing the scars on my neck.

"I need to…." I couldn't do it "I need to check on the others" I strode away from her; her disappointment flooded me as I did so.

The twilight hours were always the worst for me, it was like purgatory. We'd completed the battle, the fire was lit and now burning as embers, our newborns were settled, and Maria planned. I wandered aimless awaiting the morning, I'd told Peter a few days…would I really be free? A small part of me was fearful, life without Maria, was a world I'd never known. Though I would survive I could fight and hunt exceptionally well, there was no worry on that score, but my mentality had been waning for decades, my humanity was all but lost.

We moved only a few miles north the next night, thankfully there was no battle but we lost another four of our troops, but these things happened. I knew we'd lost those four due to my lack of focus.

Maria had planned another attack later that night, but it was over quickly, and I was thankful as I watched the lavender smoke curl yet again to the heavens I paced back and forth.

"Why do I have the feeling you'll be leaving me?" I turned to Maria, shock poured out of me. Her voice had been placid enough but she radiated a heady mixture of anger, envy and betrayal. I said nothing for the longest time, thinking hard, I knew I could be destroyed long before I got out the truth but there was no point in lying.

"What if I do leave Maria?" I replied; answering her question with one of my own. I'd stopped pacing now, and stood on the opposite side of the smoke, her eyes were puzzled by my question, but some of her anger, and betrayal had ebbed. A humourless smile was present upon her lips.

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper…" she shook her head. "I have kept you around because you were of use to me, you do well to keep them in check" she nodded towards the cabin where the newborns resided. "But you've been distracted, you haven't even shown me the affection you used to" she pouted then. Making her way slowly around the fire towards me, I instantly tensed. "Without me, you won't survive." Her words were deliberate, and slow like the steps she took. I stood my ground as she stopped right in front of me. We stood toe to toe though she was a whole foot shorter than I.

I swallowed hard as Maria's hands travelled from my waist to my neck. I remained stoic as she again traced the scars that ran along my jaw, she raised herself on the balls of her feet and pressed her lips where her fingers had been, it was a kiss…I blinked then I stared over her head into the trees, I worked hard not to flinch away from her touch.

It wasn't until I felt the sting that I knew her true intention. I gritted my teeth to keep from yelling out as she ripped the skin there. Spitting it only just inches away from the fire,

I remained standing though the venom stung painfully, Maria's red eyes glared in triumph, as her emotions still blazing held the same triumphant air.

"Here" her voice curt as she bent before me to pick up the piece. I reattached it quickly then crossed my arms; the urge to break this woman was warring with my inbuilt need to protect all females.

"I am not impressed Jasper" her voice was low but I caught every word and nuance of emotion coming from them. "Loyalty is the only thing I ask of my los niños" she snarled out the name she held for us. "In leaving you will be betraying that loyalty." She looked up again at me, her blazing eyes held something I couldn't decipher; though her emotions ran from anger to pain…Maria was in pain? "I forgave that little stunt with that other wastrel and its wench, I'm beginning to believe he's behind this little change of heart" her face was close to mine again, her sweet tempting scent did nothing for me now, the anger radiating from her was causing my own fists to clench as I held them across my body. I refused to reveal Peters involvement.

"Jasper, you used to enjoy your time with me, am I to think you've grown tired of me?" I winced internally; I didn't know how to put my words across.

"I've…I've grown tired of the hunt Maria" I glanced down at her trying to keep my face void of emotion. Her emotions wound around me, more puzzlement and anger sizzled in the background

"Tired?" she spat and turned on her heel, her long jet hair snapping across my face.

"You go Jasper, but you will return you won't survive without me" though she was further away now I could feel the pain intensify within her, it was confusing me further. "and when you return Jasper, you will no longer be welcome, you remember that, you'll have nowhere to go and no one, Jasper" she was walking around the fire now, the pain and anger building higher, I tried to push out a wave of calm, enough just to ease the emotions flooding through me. She stopped again in front of me.

"Don't even try that trick on me" she said jabbing her finger into my chest, though the calm I had inadvertently given her gave no edge to her words.

"Go Jasper, but if we ever meet again, I won't be so kind" she turned and headed to the other side of the fire to me, she was facing the forest.

I should have just run, just left the clearing and never turned back. But I couldn't leave her like this. She was my creator, and so much more until the darkness had overtaken me.

I lessened the gap between us and I laid my hands on her shoulders, as I flowed my remorse through her, she stiffened then relaxed under my touch. I hoped she understood.

"I'm sorry" I murmured and lifting her hair I brushed my lips across the scars I found there, though there were less than mine, this was another thing we shared. Turning then I ran, as I did I could have sworn I heard a dry sob echoing from the clearing.

I covered at least two states before I picked up Peters scent. I slowed as I entered a forest via a dirt road. I could smell human scents on either side of me and I was wary. The burn had been increasing with every mile but I had been resisting for a while now, it was hard feasting on something you knew was horrified by your actions and fearful of your intentions, the only trouble was if they were too close I definitely had no will power to stop. I was thirsty…

I was just looking east to where I hoped Peter would be when I heard a low growl. Then out of nowhere she struck. A woman, no bigger than a child, with long blonde hair and scarlet eyes that breathed fire, her emotions screamed, anger and fear and as we grappled, she'd taken me off guard, I was again warring with myself, I'd never struck a woman in my life. Even during my time with Maria, she only had males in her army. The females had other uses.

I managed to twist and pin her to the forest floor. Her hair was wild and in her face, she was hissing and spitting venom. I straddled her, crushing her stone body into the dirt. I was planning a strategy, arms? Legs? Head? Which would be the best to dispose of first?

"JASPER!" I didn't need to be distracted now, but at Peter's yell I turned my head slightly

"Jasper" he repeated this time at conversation level his emotions screamed, shock and fear? He was fearful of me? They made me loosen my hold on the girl. Peter rushed to me then, dragging me from my enemy, I hissed in frustration.

I stood over by trees trying hard to calm myself down. What was Peter playing at? The woman was a menace. I saw him help her up, brushing the debris from her clothing and whispering to her in a comforting tone. The woman flipped back her hair and I instantly saw the wide eyes, turned up nose and full mouth of ….

"Charlotte?" I gasped, her eyes widened.

"Jasper?"

I lay on the forest floor. The moonlight filtered down through the canopy throwing shards of light that bounced off tree trunks and over my body like glass.

The tempest of emotions I was feeling whirled around me, life without Maria was both frightening, and freeing. The freedom was a feeling I could not describe but I couldn't help but wonder how she'd cope without me. Were the newborns on some sort of revolt without my calming influence? Would she be able to control them? Or was I already replaced?

Though I barely cared for the newborns, Maria I'd worshipped like some goddess, for over century. Peter and Charlotte were what I would call friends, but there was something missing within me. The 'something' Peter and Charlotte shared, maybe that was what I was searching for…no I'd see too much brutality to be of use to anyone. But yet I was still searching, it was my only chance at this life, if not I had no hope but to become like so many before me, lavender smoke.

I turned my head. Charlotte had sat beside me, her chin resting on her knees. Confusion mixed with hope radiated from her.

"What are you searching for Jasper?" she asked softly. Her eyes I noticed followed the curve of the scar at my wrist. I unconsciously traced my finger over it.

"Who says I'm searching?" It was then I noticed her red eyes held no malice, nothing of the anger nor crazed passion I'd seen in Maria's. Was this, the closest I would get to a human emotion from a woman? The thought made me blue.

"I can see you are looking for something Jasper" Charlotte continued. "We will understand if you need to search alone" I noticed a trace of sadness though forming behind her hope. She squeezed my hand and headed back through the forest, the facets of moonlight bounced off her pale skin.

It was true, I had been growing weary. I barely hunted anymore; too fearful of the emotions my victims would flood into me. I stood, if I was going to leave I might as well say goodbye…

I was in Philadelphia of all places. As I headed further away from the forest and into the suburban towns I was growing more and more fearful. I hadn't hunted in days, I knew I was thirsty but I was still wary of the humans I fed on and their feelings as my teeth cut into them. It wasn't until I saw the third umbrella I realized it was raining and not wanting to cause suspicion I ducked into the nearest building, a café, and sat down. My eyes would be dark enough so that too wouldn't arouse suspicion I just hoped the waitress would leave me alone. I glanced around, the place was half full, and as I looked down at my hands, almost the same colour and the table top. I clenched my teeth, this had been a mistake, my throat was burning the pain ever increasing, to be inside this room full of fulfilment and not touch one person, this could take some of my strongest resolve. It was then, during my pain filled thinking I heard someone get up.

I immediately was on my guard. She was tiny, not even five feet tall. Her jet hair was styled short and her skin was the same colour as my own. She was beautiful… one of my own kind. The things that struck me as odd though were her eyes. I looked up preparing to see red or even black eyes glaring back at me, but there in that pixie-like face - smiling butterscotch eyes…what in the world was this creature? I tensed waiting….

A smile flittered across the beautiful face, and then something close to annoyance was there. Though the emotions radiating from her told me she was excited and happy, so happy in fact it almost had me buoyant, I was immediately on my guard, though I was curious.

"You've kept me waiting a long time" she said in a tone that belayed her happiness. I ducked my head, the etiquette that was bred into me never failed to arrive in these situations.

"I'm sorry m'am" I mumbled. She was stood there a smile beaming across her face, her hand reached out to me. Without thinking, without even contemplating what it meant I took that hand.

And in almost a century to this life, for the first time I felt hope…

She lead me back out into the rain and we ducked into an alley.

"Jasper, I cannot tell you how happy I am" she was almost skipping.

"How do you know my name?" I asked surprised. A smile spread across her face as she looked at me. She tapped her head.

"I can see the future" she said mysteriously. She didn't worry about shocking me nor was she dishonest; her emotions still radiated happiness, not cunning or betrayal.

"The future?" I said. I realized she still hand hold of my hand, and that I had no urge to take it back.

"Yes Jasper, and since I woke up, into this life the vision of your face has been only thing that has kept me sane, that and the Cullens, you know you are one hard person to find. Every time I saw you I'd go to that place then you'd move." She said all this very fast and then shook her head.

"You were looking for me?" I said, I wished I could stay more than one sentence but she kept stumping me.

"Yes, you were my first vision; I knew if I found you it would be ok." She smiled up at me again, her gold eyes held me.

"And the 'Cullens' what' that?" I asked.

"There are five of them, they live together not as a coven but as a family and they live an alternative life." She said smiling as though talking of her own family, as though she'd known them.

"Alternative life?" I tried to contemplate what that meant.

"Yes they don't see humans as food, they see them as people, they work alongside them," she said smiling.

"How? I mean…how?"

"They use animals to satiate their thirst." She smiled blinking.

"So that's why…" I gazed into her eyes, mesmerized by the colour.

"Yes, I've been living that way since I saw a vision of them hunting. I want to find them Jasper, and I want you to come with me."

I stared down at her, amazed at this little person who'd sprang into my life. I didn't feel fear, anger or the need to go for the kill, just happiness, hope and the desire to follow this woman to the end of the world. Something in me felt whole, had this been who I had been searching for?

What I did know was that I would be aiding Alice in her search for the Cullen's, I has no doubt this was the right thing to do. According to Alice we were looking for yellow eyed vampires by the names of, Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett. As we followed Alice's visions we got to know one another. Alice knew nothing of her past, she woke from her transformation dressed in a tattered nightdress with the name 'Alice' embroidered upon it and her first vision that was of me somewhere in Texas. She was a newcomer compared to me, she'd only been at this for twenty-eight years, and it was amazing she'd been looking for me that long. That she hadn't given up on _me_.

I hesitantly filled in the gaps of my own story; she knew much of it of course, thanks to her extraordinary gift. To my surprise she didn't shrink away from me. It was strange, as scarred as I was, inside and out, she never flinched when she looked at me, nor did she shy away from taking my scarred hand.

"You look thirsty" she said a few days after we'd set off on our journey. I stiffened, but the hand that was in mine squeezed and I looked down at our entangled fingers.

"I don't hunt" I said through my teeth.

"No, not hunting your way silly" she chided and with that she let me go and loped gracefully into the forest. I followed as though she was pulling me with an invisible thread. I lost the sound of her footsteps but caught her scent and followed more carefully. I reached a clearing and there she was. Sat on the forest floor, her legs crossed and her face beaming, pride echoed around me. There was an elk's carcass lying beside her.

"You really do feed off animals" I said amazed, she nodded still smiling.

"Give it a try, you might be surprised. She motioned to the trees on the other side of the clearing. I looked down at her sceptically.

"Go on, it's not all that bad, you've just got to remember you won't feel what those animals are feeling…" she urged me, her singsong voice was kind. She knew my fear…was there nothing she didn't know? I again felt the hope well up within me, was she my missing piece?

"Shut down Jasper, just use your instincts" she advised. I nodded and did what she said; I bent my knees into a crouch and tasted the air. I could taste Alice's scent, the trees even the earth beneath my feet. Then it hit me, a scent that made the burn in my throat ache. Though not as strongly as a humans scent would have. I committed to the hunt and struck, into the forest I ran, turning widely as I followed the scent which belonged I found to two more elk. I could hear Alice behind me and I pounced onto the stag whilst Alice took down the doe. I took hold, the blood wasn't pleasant, but it was wet and warm and the ache lessened. My eyes were wide with surprise as I threw aside the carcass Alice was smiling.

"Look at you" she clucked at me and I looked down at myself. My shirt was ripped, dirty and covered in blood. My pants weren't much better. The only thing that had survived, more than this hunting trip were my boots, the only thing I still owned from my civil war days. I gazed up at Alice, sheepish; she looked pristine in her light dress.

"We'll have to find something for you to wear." She said laughter bobbing in her eyes, I couldn't help it, I chuckled too, this was the first time doing so in this life, and it felt jarring but on the other hand so right.

Alice bounded over me and again I was unsure, but for some reason I truly trusted her and when she pressed her lips to mine I knew this was the woman I was meant to be with for my existence. As we continued in our embrace I felt truly wanted, when I was with Maria I always felt used, even in the beginning, I wasn't her only conquest but with Alice I believed her when she told me she'd been looking for only me…

We continued to travel, I gradually got accustomed to the alternative way of life and although animals didn't fully satisfy my thirst I was less of a danger, nor was I lacking, unless someone got too close…. Even my mind set was improving.

Although we crossed the scent of humans throughout our travels, Alice always aided me through my stark times when all I wanted was to follow the scent and satiate my thirst. I knew I wasn't at Alice's level of restraint yet but I was willing to try…for her.

We travelled further and further north, Alice kept seeing the Cullen's in various places, doing things I never would have imagined. Working in hospitals, and going to local schools. My mind churned with the possibilities, who were these people and how did they do it?

We grew closer and closer to our destination, following the visions Alice had. At one point we thought we'd found them, there were three yellow eyed females we spied from afar, but Alice instantly realised they were not who we were looking for and we carried on.

"They're close by, I can feel it" Alice said bouncing on her toes, I felt the happiness burst from her and I felt myself get swept up too but I was still unsure. Suspicious as I had been brought up to be. What did we know of this so called 'family' anyhow? Only what Alice's visions told us, and in the two years we'd been travelling we'd realised it only depended on the person's decisions, they were subjective.

Dawn was beginning to break but this didn't cause me to run for shelter as it once had. Alice had taught me to walk through life in the light and the dark, literally and metaphorically. The only time we hid ourselves away was when the sun was shining, it was obvious the way our skin reacted to the light would draw unnecessary attention.

As we walked through a forest hand in hand, I was whistling, something I did not remember doing before. Alice stopped stock still. I placed a hand on her shoulder as her vision overtook her. Her breathing quickened and as she awoke she was smiling.

"We've found them?" I said. She smiled wide, bouncing.

"In less than two hours we'll have reached their front door." She said. I swallowed, hoping the reluctance I felt wasn't flowing outwards. We continued in a run and as we reached the edge of the wood I could see a large house, neatly settled between the trees. Alice, still holding my hand, lunged forward. I remained still, jolting her. She turned a frown marring her beautiful face as she looked at me.

"We shouldn't just rush in there Alice" I said squeezing her hand.

"Why not?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"I do not want to fight these people" my tone was pleading.

"Okay" she said sighing loudly and walking human pace towards the house. As Alice bounded up the steps to the door I remained on the bottom step of the porch. I could hear people moving around inside the large house. According to Alice's vision there were three males and three females in this coven and all looked happy in the visions. As I tasted the emotional balance surrounding the house I felt that happiness along with contentment and even love. The one emotion that jarred me however was bitterness. Why, in a house with such a positive energy, was that emotion there? It made me wary.

Alice knocked on the door, bouncing again on the balls of her feet. I tensed on the step ready for any false moves; I had the urge to stand between the door and Alice. She turned at me her eyes soft and she shook her head, I couldn't help but smile at her. She knew…of course.

The door opened as Alice turned back, there stood a female vampire. I blinked I hadn't been ready for that…she was average in height, slim though curvy at her bosom and hip. Her caramel coloured hair fell to her shoulders in waves around her kind face. She screamed maternal feelings, it was amazing, Mother, was the first thought that came to mind though she was far from matronly, she must have been turned in her mid-twenties, and like all of us exceptionally attractive.

"Hello?" her soft voice was lilting as she took in Alice. Her emotions ranged from surprise and curiosity. Her eyes then fell to me; I had taken two more steps closer to Alice further up the porch. The woman's gold eyes widened, and her emotions tensed, fear was the most prominent, her smile froze on her face. The fear intensified and flowed back to me I restrained a shiver. I tried not to wince; I knew how I looked to others, a threat, a huge threat.

"Oh Esme! I've been waiting so long!" Alice cried breaking the tension and flinging herself at the woman. Esme wrapped her arms around Alice, though her eyes were still on me.

"I'm Alice" I smiled as Alice introduced herself. She then turned to me. "This is my Jasper." She came to me and took my hand leading me onto the porch. I smiled; Alice's happiness was exploding and filling the atmosphere. Esme still seemed shocked; she stood in the doorway as still as any statue. I could hear others in the house getting curious.

"Esme?" a soft male voice called, I again tensed. "Who is it?" I tried to pull Alice closer to me, to put her behind me as he came to the door. A couple of inches shorter than myself, with blonde hair and a commanding presence, he looked Alice and I over.

"Hello Carlisle" Alice said smiling. So this was the group's leader. Alice had found in one of her visions Carlisle to be slightly older than myself and a doctor that was something I was utterly curious about. At Alice's words the man blinked,

"Yes, yes I am" he came forward and again I tried to put some distance between them, Alice of course resisted me. Carlisle was showing no tension and his emotions showed no negativity, just curiosity. At my protective stance Carlisle's eyes flickered to mine. He pulled in a breath and he was immediately on his guard, though I still felt no fear, I frowned, who was this vampire? Esme came out of her stillness and turned to Carlisle.

"This is Alice and Jasper, Carlisle" she said, and Carlisle took in my dark yellow eyes and other distinguishing features.

"Please come in, we can continue introductions inside." He said and allowed us to pass him, I was uncomfortable in having my back exposed but Alice pulled me in after her.

"Jasper" Carlisle's voice was low and kind, again nothing negative poured from him.

"Yes Sir?" I turned, still holding Alice's hand.

"Have you just come from the south?" his words were slow, and measured, as though he was wary of saying something wrong.

"No sir, it's been a fair few years" Carlisle nodded, and smiled he pulled out his hand, hesitantly I shook it.

"I would be fascinated to hear your story one day Jasper" he said, "but first let's get you settled."

I looked around as we headed further into the house, following Esme and Carlisle. The house was just like any other suburban home I supposed. We came to the end of the hallway and into a light and airy seating area.

I gazed around the room flooded with bitterness, again it felt jarring. I turned towards the source, there curled up on the sofa sat a female vampire, her blonde head bent over a magazine. At our entrance she looked up, her beautiful face looked pinched as she took us in, jealousy and anger now mixed with the bitterness, along with an emotion so masked I couldn't determine it. All of it flooded through me I clenched my teeth. She took me in, as our eyes clashed; a shiver of fear touched me. These people were afraid of me; they would not welcome me as they would Alice, though I could not leave her. Turmoil bubbled inside me as I tried to figure out what to do.

"They will" I looked away from the blonde woman to Alice who was still smiling. She squeezed my hand, I trusted her and it would be okay, after all she would know.

"Hello Rosalie" Alice said, the blonde woman's yellow eyes narrowed as they turned on Alice, I again had the urge to stand between Alice and the object of her attention.

"Who are you?" the blonde called Rosalie spat.

"I'm Alice and this is Jasper." Alice said as she looked around, nodding and smiling as she did so.

"Edward and Emmett will be back in a few hours. She looked slightly disappointed to not have met them now but not at all surprised. I took in the reaction of the mother, the beauty, and the leader.

"Alice," Carlisle was stood beside Esme, his arms around her. "You have a gift don't you?" he said looked fascinated as he had when he looked me over.

"Yes, as Edward does" Alice said nodding. "I can see the future." Rosalie scoffed.

"Rosalie, I can see Emmett getting home and wanting to take you for a drive, to calm you down" Alice said looking her squarely in the eyes. Rosalie froze on the sofa.

Later, as Alice told both of our stories, I stood over by the stairs surveying the scene. Rosalie had left and went upstairs and we hadn't seen her since. As I watched Alice, Esme and Carlisle get to know one another; I stared around gazing at the book spines that sat on the shelves on the opposite wall.

"What do you see in her?" I turned, I'd heard Rosalie descend the stairs of course but I'd ignored her. She was sat on the second to last step, I turned slightly.

"I could ask what she see's in me" I returned, and she nodded.

"An opposite attracts thing?" she said smiling as though thinking of an 'in joke'.

"More of a hope thing" I said simply, though there was a hell of a lot more to it than that.

"We would destroy each other Rosalie" I said, her emotion told me enough to know she was thinking of how the two of us would fair as a couple. I smiled fondly down at her. She looked up at me, no embarrassment lingered around her.

"I guess we all need a little light in our lives hmm?"

"That is very true" I said gazing over at Alice, her smile aided me in the darkest moments, and encouraged the light.

"You know Jasper, I hope you stay, I like you." She said standing. She patted my back gently; I very nearly flinched, not used to the contact.

"The feelings mutual," smiling, it was funny, I meant it.

I soon began to relax a little. Alice had invited herself and I to stay with the 'family' as I heard them reference. She'd moved into one of the already occupied rooms in the house that had the best view. We had moved the previous occupant's bedroom contents to the garage. I was slightly wary of this 'Edward' and his 'gift' I wondered how he would react.

Alice now sat beside Rosalie on the sofa poring over fashion magazines. Esme sat beside me on the stairs as I watched them.

"I wanted to apologise Jasper…my reaction…." Sadness and sympathy flowed from her.

"It's nothing ma'm, it's not a surprise." I traced the scar on my wrist absently.

"But it's not fair for you to be treated that way; your first experiences of this world were not your fault."

"That's very kind of you" I said, turning to the woman beside me.

"Jasper, I wanted to let you know, I noticed you looking at our collection of books." She gestured to the bookcase I was admiring earlier. "I'm sure Carlisle and Edward wouldn't mind if you wanted to take a look." She smiled at me, her emotions radiated; she was happy, happy that I was sat beside her? That Alice had brought us to her? I nodded to her, and she patted my arm. I gazed down at her pale hand on my dark sleeve. Beneath lay a battle wound that had gauged holes in my un-beating heart and perforated soul. Alice had filled a lot of those, but Esme's kindness, Carlisle understanding and Rosalie's friendship had begun to fill the others.

"Thank you" I said softly, she nodded and warmth spread. Before she took her hand away, I took it and she looked down at my scarred fingers, "_Thank you_" I emphasised. She nodded again understanding my meaning. Her emotions were loving and as I let go, I felt contentment spread. She hummed softly as she walked up the stairs.

I looked over to Alice, she was content. So I left my perch and headed over to the bookcase. I ran a finger across the spines of century old tomes to newer fiction. I came to the section of Civil War books I'd noticed earlier. Pulling out the first one I sat down on the floor, my back against the bookcase.

I was so lost in the book I was reading that I didn't notice to two missing Cullen's arrive until Alice bounded passed me.

I looked up to find two sets of yellow eyes zeroed not on Alice but me. They were two males, one had reddish brown tousled hair, he looked young, but something about him screamed maturity. The other caused me to stand, a few inches taller than myself, dark curly hair; his muscles bulged under the jacket he wore.

Again I tasted the air, though tension emanated from the three of us, I could decipher surprise, curiosity, wariness and something else…

I could take on these two easy, the youngster tensed into a crouch his jaw clenched.

His gazed flickered to Alice, as though she'd said his name "Jasper won't hurt you Edward, he's here with me, we want to become part of your family" Edward stared at Alice now, his mouth slightly open. His eyes stared into Alice's.

"You have a very vivid imagination" he said, a twitch of his lips caused Alice to smile "More than that brother" she said.

"Yes, much more" he agreed then turned to me once again.

"Hell…we go away for a few minutes and look what happens." I turned to the larger vampire, he was happy and seemingly carefree, there wasn't any malice was behind his smile.

"Emmett" Alice smiled and hugged, him he was surprised and I almost pounced when he grabbed her head. His large hands overlapped her ears, one turn and her head would come clean off. Before I could do anything he ruffled her hair. Edward was still staring at me, wariness lingered around him.

"Jasper Whitlock." I said to him, extending a hand, I was yet to trust these people, but Alice did. He took in my scarred hand but shook it anyway. I pushed out a wave of calm to him and he blinked.

"Thank you" he said slowly. I gave a curt nod.

Finally our introductions yet again complete, Edward headed upstairs to change. Alice stared into space for a moment, and then awoke chuckling to herself. I didn't need to read minds to know what she's seen. She knew how Edward would react when he walked into his once cluttered bedroom.

"What?" Edward's voice easily picked up by the vampires on the lower floor, I could feel confusion coming off him in waves. Alice giggled then flew up the stairs I wasn't far behind her.

"Edward?" she called sweetly as she peered around the door. All that was left in the once cluttered room was the large sofa that was now situated closer to the wall than the window. Alice had stripped the entire room. Edward stood in the centre of the room frozen.

"You had the best view" Alice said shrugging as though she hadn't just put all his worldly belongings in the garage. A booming laugh echoed up the stairs…I would have guessed the owner of the laugh to be Emmett.

I saw Alice and Edward looking into each other eyes, a silent conversation was being had, and I could see the boy taking her in, taking in her thoughts. Soon a smile blossomed on Alice's face and she darted across the room to him, pulling him into a hug.

"How can something so small be so annoying?" Edward shook his head and chuckled.

As the weeks progressed I remained on the outskirts of the 'family' observing, sensing the emotive natures of the group. Alice in the exact opposite dove right in, becoming a fully fledged, 'little sister', and 'younger daughter' in less time than it took most to say 'hello'.

Since my first meeting with Alice, Maria had barely factored in my thoughts. But as I sat on the back porch of the Cullen house staring up at the stars she came swimming into view. It was only Edward and I at home. I'd hunted earlier with Alice; she'd gone with the rest to find bigger game leaving me and my new 'brother' alone.

Maria's red eyes swam though my mind and I buried a shudder. Her slightly accented voice, her touch….everything about her haunted me. It was twilight, whenever I was caught alone at this time I could swear I could make out, the incense smelling lavender smoke. I could almost hear the crackling of the flames as they danced in Maria's scarlet eyes.

"Who is she?" I started, my mind was so enamoured with my past that I hadn't heard Edward approach. He seated himself beside me on the back porch steps. He sat looking up at the sky, his hands held together loosely in front of him.

"You think of her every now and again. Alice is your true mate, I can see that, but who's the other woman? Was she important to you?" his voice wasn't curious, just interested, he all ready knew more than he was letting on of course. He was letting me answer without riffling through my head.

"Once" I said shortly "she was important to me…once" I nodded curtly and turned back to the stars.

"Your creator" Edward said softly. I turned to him and nodded.

"Maria"

"Yes, she was…" I stopped short…what was she?  
"She was many things" I began "she was my creator, my first in command, my lover, and my enemy, wrapped up in a small and attractive package." I turned my attention to the forest this time, remembering, a humourless smile gracing my lips.

"You said _was_…" Edward said, I turned to look at him. This vampire intrigued me, he had no mate, yet he seemed to understand…I guess it was because he heard what no one else usually heard. Just as I felt things more than everyone else, Edwards's emotions were always remote, indifferent, it confused me. Edward's lips turned up in a wry smile. I returned to thinking about his earlier question.

"Maria wasn't easy to live with. Her only interest was in owning her territories. Life wasn't easy. I was her second in command, and it was up to me to train the newborns in combat, the only way to fight off prospective ambushers." I sighed.

"You disliked your work?" Edward asked quietly.

"Things…were okay to begin with, I enjoyed the combative nature of the fight, but as I got a hold on my 'gift' things began to deteriorate."

I looked again at my brother, realising we had a lot more in common that I'd first thought.

"It must be hard to hear the thoughts of your victims before you kill…" I began. "Imagine for a moment my predicament, I can feel everything they feel, their fear, horror. It was the only thing that stopped me running wild; it's kept what little humanity I have left in tact."

"Jasper, thank you" Edward murmured "thank you for being so open"

"You would have found out anyway" I shrugged.

As the months progressed I was improving slowly. Human contact was getting easier, at least I hadn't had any slip ups...yet. The closest call I had was at a medical fund raiser held by some of the medical board. I'd only gone along because Alice had begged. We'd hunted thoroughly before hand to help. So here I stood in a borrowed suit, a full glass in hand, surveying the crowed from a darkened corner.

I stiffened as a woman walked passed me, flicking her hair and exposing her neck, her eyes met mine, and she smiled, as blood flowed to her cheeks in a blush. Venom pooled in my mouth. The glass I was holding cracked as I held it tight, its contents seeping onto my hand.

Thankfully Alice was at my elbow, steering me towards the car, the shattered glass leaving my hand before I could drop it.

I'd also found an odd respect for the Cullen clan. Though I knew that if Alice ever decided to leave I would always follow, I may actually miss the five people I now shared house room with.

Carlisle and I spent many hours reading and discussing all manner of topics. He and I were the closest in age and it seemed though our lives before meeting were entirely different, we had things in common to discuss.

His mate, Esme was a wonderful woman, kind, loving and mothering. Her initial fear of me soon dissipated and I sometimes sought emotional refuge beside her soaking up her loving aura, to calm my own somewhat tormented thoughts.

Rosalie and I had become, in our fictional situation, twins. Our similar colouring and pensive natures enabled us to pass for relatives. I no longer was Jasper Whitlock, I was now Jasper Hale

One person I seemed to click with instantly was Emmett. His emotional aura surpassed anyone's he was always upbeat and carefree. He also loved to wrestle which amused me and kept me somewhat entertained.

Edward was a strange being to me. Though our gifts gave us a slight connection, Edward was a quiet and intense soul. He usually sat alone at his piano. I sensed Esme and even Alice's worrying about him, though each time I mentally tried to work out this boy his head would shake as though to tell me to 'leave well enough alone'.

Alice and I were as connected as ever. And whenever she took off with one of our siblings, or Esme I would miss her terribly, and feared for my resolve. My dependence upon her was such that at times we were not together I took a book to her ever increasing wardrobe and sat there, surrounded by her scent. I felt utterly ridiculous but I tried anything I could not 'hunt' the way I did in the past.

One rainy morning Alice and I were wandering the forest, we'd just hunted and were making our way back towards home. Rosalie and Emmett had been planning yet another wedding, it seemed they'd had several, and Alice was talking a mile a minute about dresses and flower arrangements, I answered in the appropriate places but I was mainly thinking about us.

We'd been together nearly three years now, and we had instantly clicked, soul mates. Unlike Rosalie and Emmett who showed their affection openly, Alice and I were more in tune privately. One look into each others eyes, one emotive pull. We didn't need what Rosalie and Emmett needed. Though with all this talk of weddings…

"Alice" I said as she continued on.

"….roses would be ideal, but Rosalie wants orchids…yes Jasper?" she stopped, turning to me. Her eyes clouded over for a minute, I knew what she'd seen. A smile brightened her entire face and as she awoke from her vision she pulled me to her.

"Oh Jasper, YES!" she looked into my eyes and I pushed out a wave of love at her, and she giggled. "We can't do it yet, Rosalie would kill me…hmm Mrs Whitlock." I let her emotions overtake me as we again made our way back home.

Yes, Alice truly was my missing piece, my other half. Maria had lied to me, or at least to herself. I wasn't alone, and I would survive without her. The thought made me sad…for her she seemed to be destined to be alone.

In my minds eye I saw the lavender smoke curl into a night's sky, if I ever saw that image again it would be too soon. No, my life would no longer be ruled by that image, I changed the picture from curling smoke to golden eyes that was where my future lay, in Alice's golden gaze; I would be whole as long as she was with me.

**Thank you for taking time out to read this, any input you can give me would be greatly appreciated..thanx FxXXx**


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